Serving Spoons and Dancing Tacos

Ok, the last 14 days have taken me on such an emotional roller coaster! Let's start out with the stats...I have lost 25lbs since coming home 10 days ago (I gained 15 in the hospital; they pump alot of fluid into you and air into the abdomen for the surgery). Total I have lost over 32lbs! My winter coat is too big, my favorite pair of jeans are baggy and my jogging clothes are swallowing me up. I had to get new underwear in a size smaller than I used to wear and now my bra is too big. Trust me, I am not complaining one bit! However, I would be lying if I said that my head isn't lagging behind the physical changes that I am experiencing.

When I first came home from the hospital I really and I mean really struggled with what many call "head hunger". I was not physically hungry but my mind was insisting that I was. This was a very strange place to be in. It was so difficult to know that my family was having taco night and I couldn't join them (I had to follow a liquid diet for several days post surgery). On another occasion my Mom sent spaghetti over for dinner and I literally spent 10 or more minutes in the kitchen talking myself out of licking a serving spoon that had spaghetti sauce on it...for the record I have NEVER licked a serving spoon in my life!! It was starting to become real apparent to me how addicted to food I really am. It is like the food had to be taken away from me to get clear insight as to what to do mentally to begin tackling the challenge ahead of me. Things got so difficult from a mental standpoint that I began having dreams about dancing tacos begging me to eat them, LOL!

To help cope with the emotional aspects of this journey I have begun journaling my feelings each day. I also allow myself to just really sit with my feelings...if I need to cry, I cry. Everything gets better with time and I am allowing myself the time I need to better myself. I have spent so much of my life energy thinking about others, what they think and how to keep them happy. All the while neglecting myself, my wants and needs. I am now a priority in my own eyes and I am going to work hard to keep it that way! Last, but definitely not least, prayer and believing that GOD has got my back has gotten me through the last 14 days!!

Currently I am feeling pretty good. I still have some minor pain at the largest incision site and MAJOR fatigue. The fatigue keeps me from feeling like doing much, however I did venture out last night with my husband for a tea at Starbucks and to the grocery store to grab a few items. I am currently on the puree stage of my post op plan. This stage is so much better than the liquid stage as there are more options to choose from. In a couple of weeks I will move to the soft food stage where food choices will more closely resemble a normal diet. I am able to drink fluids comfortably and I have experienced no vomitting, thank you Lord! Overall, I am happy with my choice to be sleeved and I am looking forward to what the future holds!