Cry, Cry, Cry!

I promised to share the good, the bad and the ugly. Well, right now I am in the middle of some ugly emotional turmoil. The emotional aspects of having this surgery are not suprising to me but they are much more difficult than I anticipated. First off it is taking me longer to recuperate than I thought. I am still very tired and one of my incisions is still sore. I don't feel like doing much of anything because I just don't have the physical energy. The doctor tells me this is normal but it is still difficult to deal with. Not to be too dramatic, but it feels like I am missing out on alot. I have to remind myself that this is only temporary!

In terms of eating, it is just so hard to wrap my brain around eating 1-2ounces of food. I want to eat and then I sit down to these extremely tiny portions and I feel so abnormal. In other words I am angry that in order to have some control over my food addiction, I have to once again be different than everyone else. What normal person eats 1-2 ounces of food? I have always felt different from others and this is just another way that I am set apart. My choice in how much I eat has been taken away and I am mad about it! I guess I am feeling like "why me", hence my post title "Cry, Cry, Cry". I having been crying all morning. Ultimately I know I made the right decision for myself, but I guess I have to take this emotional journey to accept the situation as it is. I was headed for an early death at the weight I was. I have to take and maintain control of my health! There is no turning back. The larger portion of my stomach is gone and I have to accept that, along with the responsibility for allowing myself to become super morbidly obese in the first place.

I know I will look back on this post and realize that it was necessary for me to cry and to be angry in order to heal and face my fabulous future...til next time!