It's all about the flavor!

I am so excited that I am now feeling a bit better. I realize that I will have good days and bad days, and that is ok! It appears that some swelling has gone down in my sleeve (new stomach)as I am up to 2 full ounces of food with no discomfort...woohoo!! I am up to about 400 calories per day which includes 2 protein shakes that have 15 grams of protein each. The shakes are 100 calories, lactose free Muscle Milk Shakes. But on to the "good stuff"!

Thanks to advice given to me by a good friend, I am choosing to focus on what I can eat rather than what I can't. Sounds simple enough but I wasn't doing that. I have been focused on what is missing or gone from my meals and that type of thinking will not help me reach my goal. I have been on a mission to be creative with what I choose to eat. One of my favorites is shrimp with a dash of cocktail sauce. I am on the puree stage of my post op eating plan and I made sure with the dietician that shrimp was an acceptable protein choice at this point and it is definitely ok as long as its run through the blender. I simply take two tiger prawn shrimp and puree them with about a teaspoon of cocktail sauce...ahh, seafood heaven!! For those that don't know me well, seafood is my absolute favorite food.

Next I got a big burst of flavor from Progresso Soup's Chicken Tuscany with a teaspoon of sour cream. The soup was rich and bursting with flavor. I know some of you will say "yuck" to my nect favorite, but I have been eating sardines every day; no bones of course. They are very flavorful and I do absolutely nothing to them; I eat them right out of the can! Last but not least are refried beans with a tablespoon of queso cheese or chili with a tablespoon of queso both run through the blender of course; each of these taste like nacho dip...yum!

Flavor is the key! I grew up in a household where my Mom cooked with a lot of spices. Food was always well seasoned, so bland food jsut doesn't work for me. My mission is to create and eat things that are full of flavor and that resemble dishes I loved in the past. I am really going to work on taking the focus away from how much I am eating and turn it to what I am eating in terms of how it is prepared and seasoned. After all, it's all about the flavor!!...til next time

Cry, Cry, Cry!

I promised to share the good, the bad and the ugly. Well, right now I am in the middle of some ugly emotional turmoil. The emotional aspects of having this surgery are not suprising to me but they are much more difficult than I anticipated. First off it is taking me longer to recuperate than I thought. I am still very tired and one of my incisions is still sore. I don't feel like doing much of anything because I just don't have the physical energy. The doctor tells me this is normal but it is still difficult to deal with. Not to be too dramatic, but it feels like I am missing out on alot. I have to remind myself that this is only temporary!

In terms of eating, it is just so hard to wrap my brain around eating 1-2ounces of food. I want to eat and then I sit down to these extremely tiny portions and I feel so abnormal. In other words I am angry that in order to have some control over my food addiction, I have to once again be different than everyone else. What normal person eats 1-2 ounces of food? I have always felt different from others and this is just another way that I am set apart. My choice in how much I eat has been taken away and I am mad about it! I guess I am feeling like "why me", hence my post title "Cry, Cry, Cry". I having been crying all morning. Ultimately I know I made the right decision for myself, but I guess I have to take this emotional journey to accept the situation as it is. I was headed for an early death at the weight I was. I have to take and maintain control of my health! There is no turning back. The larger portion of my stomach is gone and I have to accept that, along with the responsibility for allowing myself to become super morbidly obese in the first place.

I know I will look back on this post and realize that it was necessary for me to cry and to be angry in order to heal and face my fabulous future...til next time!

Serving Spoons and Dancing Tacos

Ok, the last 14 days have taken me on such an emotional roller coaster! Let's start out with the stats...I have lost 25lbs since coming home 10 days ago (I gained 15 in the hospital; they pump alot of fluid into you and air into the abdomen for the surgery). Total I have lost over 32lbs! My winter coat is too big, my favorite pair of jeans are baggy and my jogging clothes are swallowing me up. I had to get new underwear in a size smaller than I used to wear and now my bra is too big. Trust me, I am not complaining one bit! However, I would be lying if I said that my head isn't lagging behind the physical changes that I am experiencing.

When I first came home from the hospital I really and I mean really struggled with what many call "head hunger". I was not physically hungry but my mind was insisting that I was. This was a very strange place to be in. It was so difficult to know that my family was having taco night and I couldn't join them (I had to follow a liquid diet for several days post surgery). On another occasion my Mom sent spaghetti over for dinner and I literally spent 10 or more minutes in the kitchen talking myself out of licking a serving spoon that had spaghetti sauce on it...for the record I have NEVER licked a serving spoon in my life!! It was starting to become real apparent to me how addicted to food I really am. It is like the food had to be taken away from me to get clear insight as to what to do mentally to begin tackling the challenge ahead of me. Things got so difficult from a mental standpoint that I began having dreams about dancing tacos begging me to eat them, LOL!

To help cope with the emotional aspects of this journey I have begun journaling my feelings each day. I also allow myself to just really sit with my feelings...if I need to cry, I cry. Everything gets better with time and I am allowing myself the time I need to better myself. I have spent so much of my life energy thinking about others, what they think and how to keep them happy. All the while neglecting myself, my wants and needs. I am now a priority in my own eyes and I am going to work hard to keep it that way! Last, but definitely not least, prayer and believing that GOD has got my back has gotten me through the last 14 days!!

Currently I am feeling pretty good. I still have some minor pain at the largest incision site and MAJOR fatigue. The fatigue keeps me from feeling like doing much, however I did venture out last night with my husband for a tea at Starbucks and to the grocery store to grab a few items. I am currently on the puree stage of my post op plan. This stage is so much better than the liquid stage as there are more options to choose from. In a couple of weeks I will move to the soft food stage where food choices will more closely resemble a normal diet. I am able to drink fluids comfortably and I have experienced no vomitting, thank you Lord! Overall, I am happy with my choice to be sleeved and I am looking forward to what the future holds!

I did it!!

I am officially sleeved! I had my weight loss surgery on Jan. 5th along with a small hernia repair. I came through the surgery just fine and spent two days in the hospital before being released. The days leading up to surgery were restless. I was nervous and very anxious. I also had periods of feeling sorry for myself in regard to having to resort to surgery to help me get control of my weight..I was sort of feeling like "why me?". Well, obviously I got over those feelings and forged ahead with the surgery.

I woke up in quite a bit of pain. It felt like a hot poker was plunged through my upper left abdomen. The surgeon later explained to me that the pain I was having was most likely from the hernia repair and not the gastrectomy itself. I used my morphine pain pump religiously while I was in the hospital. I also had trouble urinating after the surgery and had to be catheterized a few times before I was able to go on my own. This was attributed to a "sleepy" bladder caused by the anesthesia. The hospital staff was pretty good but I got absolutely no rest there as my vital signs were being checked constantly, which of course is a good thing!

This is my 5th day post op and I have times when I feel ok and others where I feel bloated and sore. I had a horrible case of head hunger last night. My family had taco night but because I am on a full iquid diet for the next 9 days I had to partake in some delicious beef broth...um, NOT! Everything smelled so good, but funny thing was, I wasn't physically hungry at all. The mind is a powerful thing!! I made it through and today is new day. I have been surviving on broth, yogurt, which my tummy doesn't agree with, popsicles, creamed soups and protein drinks. Tea has also been a life saver. I am struggling trying to meet my protein requirements but a family friend (thanks Debra) gave me a good suggestion to help with that. I am going to try a protein smoothie with no sugar added from Topical Smoothie. All in all I am hanging in there..oh yeah I forgot to mention that I have lost 12.8lbs since coming home on Saturday! Till next time...